Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Politically correct speech

Tonight's politically correct etiquette lesson:

How to Speak About Women and Be Politically Correct:

1. She is not a “Babe” or a “Chick.” She is a Breasted American.

2. She is not a “Dumb Blonde.” She is a Light-Haired Detour off the Information Superhighway.

3. She has not “Been Around.” She is a Previously-Enjoyed Companion.

4. She does not “Nag” you. She becomes Verbally Repetitive.

5. She is not a “Two-Bit Hooker.” She is a Low-Cost Provider.

How to Speak About Men and Be Politically Correct:

1. He does not have a “Beer Gut.” He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

2. He does not “Get Lost All the Time.” He Investigates Alternative Destinations.

3. He is not “Balding.” He is in Follicle Regression.

4. He does not act like a “Total Ass.” He develops a case of Rectal-Cranial Inversion.

5. It’s not his “Crack” you see hanging out of his pants. It is Rear Cleavage.


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