If New Orleans were only in Iowa ...

Here's a great piece of satire on the horrific Iowa floods in June. An excerpt:

As an Iowan and the proud owner of two big screen LCDs from Coralville Rent-A-Center, I've seen my share of weather disasters. But, even with full 1080p HD, I never really stopped to think that it could happen to me. So when the floodwaters of the Iowa River reached my own home this week, I suppose I was unprepared for the devastation -- and the aftershock that my fellow Iowans would sabotage my once-in-a-lifetime golden ticket on the FEMA gravy train.

I was enjoying midmorning cocktails on the patio of my estate a few blocks from the Iowa River when I first heard the flood warnings, and when I turned on the television I saw the shocking pictures of downtown Cedar Rapids inundated by the rising Cedar river. The implication was obvious: Ka-Ching!
...
Bingo! This was our chance to pick up some quick eyewitness tragedy story cash from the tragedy reporters. But when we got inside there wasn't a single TV camera, and it was half empty except for a few ladies with little kids.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Oh, most of them volunteered for sandbag and cleanup duty," said the stupid old lady at the desk. "Isn't that nice?"

Oh, great. I looked over on her TV set and the reporter was talking about how all the "hardworking Iowans" were "quietly pitching in," and "picking up the pieces," and "stoically moving on." Frankly, I'm getting a little sick of being labeled with these kind of destructive stereotypes. Hey, media - what about the Iowans who aren't necessarily stoic or hardworking or self-reliant? Or don't we matter in your stupid media soundbites?
...
We tried calling some Hollywood celebrities to see if they would organize a telethon benefit for us or something, but that was a gigantic waste of time. I probably left 30 unanswered messages at Scarlett Johansson's office. Kyle got through to Kanye West, who threatened to pop a cap in his ass. Even Sean Penn refused, like he's got anything better to do. The closest we got to any deal was Richard Gere, but he canceled after he found out Iowa wasn't part of Tibet.
...
So there you have it: a 500-year, gold plated, biblical grade flood, and all I have to show for it is a sore back and a basement full of soggy rental stereo equipment. This tragedy has been brought to you by a negligent government and an indifferent media. And most of all, my neighbors: 3 million stoic, self reliant, hard working morons who can't figure out a million dollar opportunity when they're waist deep in it.. And they wonder why they call us "Idiots Out Walking Around."

Read it all here. :)